she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pants are for mortals
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
