Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
