forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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