So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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