i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
