The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
whose ass print is on the piano?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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