plz talk dirty to me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
