I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
