if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize