We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
