He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
