can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
