sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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