True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
