I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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