can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
