I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
