heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
