I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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