I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Your penis caused this!
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