I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
