its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
