There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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