whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
