So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
