my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My ass is underappreciated
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize