you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
