I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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