I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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