At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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