I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
