I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize