My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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