Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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