I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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