stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
