I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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