this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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