So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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