I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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