i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
