I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
