I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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