just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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