I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
