So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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