either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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