I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
