We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
