I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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