wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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