We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
