At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
