Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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