Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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