WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
