Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
