Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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