Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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