You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
