I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
