Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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